July 06, 2008

Into The Arms Of A Goddess

My next journey too me so somewhere completely unexpected.

Directly into the arms of a Goddess of Infinite Pleasure, a demon indeed but an insatiable one.

Yes, I ah. . . , think I'll stay here awhile, . . . .put my head down for a while.


Cthulhu & Co.

In another time and space, ha, would you believe this, Cthulhu and Co. had ...
and for once, no detective, reporter or inquisitive milkman had turned up with a well rehearsed quote (*see footnote) from the Necronomican to throw a spanner in the works.

And I gazed upon Cthulhu as He played with - OK, I mean eat (the equivalent of) the London Eye. Dagon was doing the backstroke up the river Thames. Celebrating, The King in Yellow was on the piss again (hence the name) and beside him Yog-Sothoth was just a complete mess. Well when Nyarlathotep's Avatar saw them, well let me tell you, that one has a nasty tongue at times!!

I took some photo's of a Minion watching over the city and grabbed a handful of the new currency. It seems strange to an old Arab like myself but when the Old Ones took over the world, I assumed it would be mass destruction, huge loss of lives, endless tormented slavery and constant human sacrifices. Instead these Evil Gods, in this dimension at least, well went for Capitalism! They moved into the City, changed the currency and monopolised big corporate business. So far I've seen Mythos Beer, Cthulhu Cola, Fhtagn-Dazs Ice Scream, Cthocolate Bars and a Cock-A-Cthulhu-Do Bargain Bucket (hate to think what's in that one)!
Where's my clock, time to move on again.

(*footnote ; and yes believe me, yes you do need to rehearse it. Have you ever tried to pronounce those words? *Ygnaiih! Y'bthnk ..h'ehye-n'grkdl'lh ..Ia..Ia..Ia. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl* If you could pull your tongue out and wrap it around you ankles, you might just stand a chance!)

The Last Sunset

So ran I did, hid where ever I could.
Travelling by spaceship, travelling by timepiece, seen such sights that it'd take another 40 years to tell to about them.

In one dimension I saw Cthulhu at the end of time, waving goodnight to the stars as one by one they went out.

There was this crazy looking elf all in black armour there as well, waving a big black smoking sword about, Cthulhu considered him for a moment, thought he looked a bit meloncolony,

so eat him - Burp!

In Too Deep!

Thinking I could relax a bit, I decided to go for a quick dip
. . . bit of a silly thing to do realy!

Guess who I bumped into . . .?

Are you Local???

The girls here are a bit strange!

Visit Innsmouth

I noticed a nice little tourist poster for local Innsmouth, ha, what better place to hide than under His/Its very nose . . . does Cthulhu have a nose?
How does he smell? ... ok stop right there!


Just to throw the Big Squid like Bully off my scent, I first slipped into Arkham to see if I could pick up any info on how to protect myself. The Forbidden Zone shop had a strange collection of Japanese models and a video game but neither were of any use.

I then stumbled across an old antique shop, found an old drawing of you know who and an ancient skull of some cthulhu like creature, again not much use.

Time, time, time, ... is on my side, ... yes it is!

Yes, 2 seconds, just long enough for me to jump inside my old Victorian Grandfather Clock. Funny thing this, it's a timepiece which tavels through time, well time, space, other dimensions kind of thing. Lot of them about actually, you'd be suprised. In the old days, my good old days, we used to use an oil lamp which served the same purpose. Had to get rid of it eventually, you know how it is, you put on a few pounds and it's a bitch to get in and out of!

So yea I jumped into the clock and before you know it I'm whizzing across the universe with Old Cthulhu chasing after. 40 long years on the run, now I know what you're thinking, "How do I know I was gone for 40 years when I had no normal referance, such as the sun going around the earth to record the passage of time?" Have you not been paying attention?
... I was in a BIG BLOODY CLOCK!!!

Missing, presumed dead.

Date ... Whate's the DATE ... (july) ... NO THE YEAR, WHAT YEAR IS IT!
2008 . . . only 2 years.

I've been gone 40 years but only 2 earth years have passed, bizarre.

Let me fill you in, I can see you're confused. It seems the Dread Cthulhu didn't take too kindly to my last little comment about Him/It being "cute".

He came for me . . ahh, the memory still makes me shudder. Sent Burrowers beneth the house to make a passage for Himself/Itself. After the shaking had stopped . . the first slime covered tentacle made its way up the stairs . . probing . . searching. I had a sudden flash of mad genius! I quickly grapped a bottle, place a fish finger and some human blood inside and glued a cork in the hole, ha brilliant.

Lets see if the overgrown octopus can resist that then! Sure enough, the tentacle paused, wrapped itself around the bottle, . . another 50 tentacles joined it, all testing and probing. Ha, I could almost feel His/It's mind ticking over, "... What's this before Me . . . an Offering? . . . ummm, fishfinger!! Love fishyfingerz . . ah, a puzzle . . . love puzzlezzz. Ummm . . how to get the fishy treat without removing cork or breaking glassz . . . ummmm???

OK, so it took Him/It all of 2 seconds before it smashed the bottle, took the morsel and rammed the jagged glass towards my skull with as much force as an angry God can, . . which is alot! Jezzuss, I mean you'd think a God who sits around for millenniua, would have a little patience wouldn't you???

Still, that 2 seconds was all I needed to escape.